Posted on 08/25/2008 at 11:55 AM
The following entry is a reflection of how hard it is being in this business and how I am at the verge of giving up b/c of all my failed attempts at auditioning for parts that were clearly for me and I didn't get.
I am actually back in Canada now with my Mother, Canada Mom. Mind you I am already bored and can't wait to get back to New York. There is nothing to do here and your creativity gets crushed along with your spirit when you get reminded of being a failure.
I really dreaded this trip and now I really regret coming up here, even though it's for a short time. It's not that I expected to come back here as a Rockstar or someone famous, though I wish I had something to speak of and to show some success. It's embarrassing and humiliating when you see all your friends with kids and families and lives and all I can say is well I live in New York. Big Deal :(
I keep clinging on to hope, but failure I guess is a constant factor in my life. The thing is I really try to believe and read all those "Secret" books and still end up getting zero or worse off where I started.I am honestly not having a self-pity trip here. It's facts.
For instance I went to audition for TLC's "What Not to wear". When the producer initially called me for this I was excited and ready to be on the show. I auditioned outdoors in Times Square for this where they had this 360 degrees mirror set up. I was Clearly the worst dressed one there with purple socks and a wool hat on in the 90 degree Fahrenheit weather.
The producers asked me questions while I was in the booth and I know I nailed it. I was funny and sincere. Even the cameraman was laughing when I got out of the booth and said I did great. I was happy and finally thought that I found my niche to be the worst dressed background extra. Two weeks went by, no calls, e-mails nothing.
The next week I went to this audition to play a gypsy for a regional commercial. I just happen to have a gypsy costume and have played a "gypsy character" in the past with an authentic European accent. In fact I have done this character for years.
I get called in to audition and again I thought I nailed this. All the "gypsies" before me read one line and were sent out. I went in the room , read the script 3 times and was asked to stay and wait. After an hour waiting, the guy comes out of the door and says "Well call you!" Again No calls, no e-mails, nothing.
The best disappointment has to be the next go-see audition. They were seeking a blonde Canadian age ranging from 35-40! BINGO! Thought I hit the jackpot here! Let's see I'm blonde, btw 35 and 40, plus I'm Canadian. So I get to the auditions and they tell me I'm NOT Canadian enough!!!! I'm NOT kidding.
They said they wanted Canadian from British Columbia, because they speak British!!! After hearing that I was like these casting are idiots b/c in Vancouver , British Columbia, they DON"T speak British! Still not even to get that part.
You know you get to a point that you can only get beaten up so many times before you just can't take being defeated anymore. To top it all off, it has been really slow with background work, though the day I leave there are not one, but two Verizon commercials that pay $200.00 .
You get to a point as with doing Stand-up and you ask yourself "Is the abuse and disappointments really worth it?" I wonder.
CA :(
